Breaking Free of Bad Relationships
Perhaps you were a match on Tinder or you ran into each other at your coffee shop. Regardless of how it started, the connection was immediate and everything went smoothly for a few weeks. Just when you were starting to feel that you have finally found the one, they withdrew all in a sudden, they started acting weird, making excuses, having less and less time, or they needed to talk.
This is honestly, a heartbreaking situation, even more when you just seem to be stuck in a cycle where you have nothing but promising beginnings that fall apart once and again. Eat, sleep, repeat.
Such cycle can leave you feeling drained of your energy and of course take a toll in your self-esteem. It is just natural to start wondering what are you doing wrong and perhaps thinking that if you are rejected over and over again, it is you and not them. Well, there are bad news, neutral news and good news!
In order: Yes, it is you, but not in the way you think, and you can definitely start taking steps right now to break this cycle of emotional Hara-Kiri and head towards the relationship that you have always dreamed of.
Let’s start by analyzing this cycle to better understand how it works and why it keeps on repeating. It is actually very simple.
Story continues below…
This situation seldom starts with a person that hadn’t caught your attention at first, it’s most often catalyzed by a “Wow! Moment” where you meet someone who is so very fascinating, so much that it is hard for you to believe that they are focusing on you. You feel in cloud nine because you are getting their attention. Everything seems to be perfect! Perhaps you even feel scared because things are being so intense. Then, you start to believe that you need to keep things going, and it is at that moment when you start changing your attitude to please the other, to keep them engaged. When the first signs of withdrawal appear on their end, there’s another switch and now your actions are motivated by the fear of losing them. Sounds familiar?
If you know what I’m talking about, this article is for you, and the keys to changing the narrative are very simple, yet not always easy to apply.
If you look closer at the situation, you will probably realize that the relationship is going at their pace, focused on their needs. They want to spend a lot of time with you, so you clear your agenda and you become completely available. You start changing to meet their expectations, but they don’t. You start focusing on attracting them, on keeping their attention, but they are just being themselves. If you start thinking about it, you may even realize that they don’t really know that much about you, or that you don’t really like how they treat you and you’re just hoping that it will change once they are truly invested in the relationship.
(READ: When A Soulmate Doesn’t Mean A Life-Mate)
Sibyl’s Verdict
Next time, pay attention to whether or not you like them. Not if you are fascinated by their alluring personality, but if you feel comfortable, if you feel that you trust them, if you feel it is a relationship of equals, if they are investing in you. When you focus on getting to know them, rather than on being liked by them, or even making yourself known to them. If you know they hate cauliflower but love a roast-beef, but they will give you asparagus for dinner time and again even if it is the tenth time you’ve manifested your disgust for asparagus… It may be time to say next! Fear not. Claim the energy that you are giving back, put it in someone who you like, and who effortlessly likes you back. If not, they’re just not the right person for you.
1 Comment
Thankyou for that informative realistic view on relationships. Sometimes one just needs another’s point of view to consider what is real and what neefs to be paid attention to! Thank you!