Falling Out Of Love With Your Partner
There comes a point in all relationships when they reach a crossroad where the very nature of the relationship itself is challenged. Is it just a rough patch, or have you really fallen out of love with the person you are with? The energy on the planet we are dealing with now really doesn’t let you get away with just hanging around in a loveless partnership like it did 50 years ago.
Listed below are some of the reasons why people fall out of love with each other. Whether you can move forward and make it something different, depends on karma and individual preferences.
- Lack of communication. The walls go up and you feel you would rather have your eye teeth pulled than have a conversation with your partner over anything.
- You begin to feel invisible. Being taken for granted, the feeling of merely existing in the relationship begins to unfold. You stop looking at one another, touching and complementing each other.
- Your insecurities get magnified 100-fold. When the “in love” part vanishes, the truth of who we really are starts to get exposes. You begin to feed off each other’s insecurities, taking them on as your own. You begin to notice that your partner behaves differently with others, then you.
- Boredom sets in. Over time, people change and more often, they become who they really are. You find your partner who has always been gung-ho on business, now wants to paint. Who is this person? Certainly not the partner you chose to be with. You then must decide if you go with the flow and accept the new persona or move on. Changes sometimes throw the sync out of the partnership.
- You find yourself no longer attracted to your partner. What destroys that attraction is that you are no longer having fun together. Attraction comes from communication, appreciation and compassion.
- Holding onto past grudges. Nothing will take the love out of a relationship faster than holding onto past resentments and grudges. Bringing up old hurtful situations constantly, will never allow healing and then resentment takes over.
- Dishonesty. Cheating and other secrets destroy relationships. It’s not the cheating, lies or secrets but the destroying of trust. Not sharing truth is the same as lying and diminishes all credibility in a relationship. Keeping secrets from one another is the start of the slipping away of deep loving feelings for one another.
- Each believes they are right and no one wants to compromise. When you stop caring about what the other person wants or their feelings and you want what you want, when you want it, this shows a lack of respect and love that is the foundation of relationships. You cannot love another without the give and take.
- The fairy tale is over. It is what is called ‘love dust’ or limerence. When your brain puts those rose-colored glasses on, you can’t see past them. Your endorphins are high, (a happy chemical in your brain) and your prince charming can do no wrong. Then one day, your prince becomes a reality and is now standing before you in his underwear, unshaven, maybe hungover, asking where is his breakfast? An exaggeration of course, but you get the idea. You created a perfect version of who loves you and after that love potion wears off, you start dealing with the reality of what you chose. As couples begin to know each other better, they then realize they might be incompatible. Co-dependency is never a reason to remain in a relationship.
- It wasn’t really love in the first place. Sometimes we mistake lust for love. What we thought was passion and true acceptance was the effects of that ‘love dust’, limerence in physical form called lust. If a relationship started out strictly on a physical level from an affair, being desperately lonely or on the rebound, you are more likely to mistake the desires of lust as true love. Love is timeless but relationships go through many rough stages. Parenthood is brutal in any relationship. We change, life happens with illnesses, financial strains, and not so great challenges. When you are in a loving relationship that has strong foundations, there is still a commitment and a choice “for better or for worse.” Lust diminishes quickly when responsibility starts to take over.
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Susan Z’s Verdict
What the big question is, once you realize you have fallen out of love with your partner, what do you do about it? The history of the relationship sort of makes that decision for you. You should know your partner well enough by now if you are wasting your time talking with them about your change of feelings or you are grounded enough and know yourself well enough, to make the decision from your own perspective that it is time to move on. Neither way is easy.
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