The Difference Between Being in Love with Someone and Loving Them

The Difference Between Being in Love with Someone and Loving Them

It’s almost impossible to recognize the difference between loving someone and being in love, especially if it’s a new experience. It feels the same, right? Even the ones that don’t make it, you may hate them but you still love them. The trick is being able to recognize what your heart insists you do and what your ego wants when choosing a partner. It is sometimes so subtle, that it takes years and several marriages later to recognize the difference. The awareness doesn’t just apply to the partnerships that make but also your jerk of an ex. The emotions are the same, it is just learning how to recognize them.

Loving someone can feel just as fierce, passionate and all-consuming as being in love but only the heart knows the difference. If you’re holding out for the magic in your love life, it’s important to be able to see and feel all the emotions connected with it. If you’ve ever had your heart broken by someone you initially thought was “The One”, you’ll definitely be able to relate to most of the references listed below.

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1. Loving someone is a choice, being in love isn’t. You can choose to love someone because of their great qualities, appreciate them for who they are and be a loving supportive partner to them. But loving someone has the ability to stop loving them and walk away without much emotion and move one. Being in love is not a choice. It’s something that happens without your intention or consent and not something you can ever walk away from. If you leave, you’ll take that feeling of being in love with you and it will always be with you, even if the love has turned to hate.
2. Loving someone means wanting them to do well for you, being in love means wanting them to do well for them. If you are not willing to make whatever sacrifices to help make that happen for them, then the love can end. When you’re in love, you are willing put each other’s needs before yours because your happiness is linked to theirs. Maybe he chips in a little extra for rent while you get through graduate school or you take the morning dog walk shift because he loves to sleep in. When you are willing to occasionally put each other’s needs first, you accomplish more than when everyone is fending for themselves.
3. Loving someone can be fleeting, being in love is forever. Loving someone can literally end in a blink. An unexpected affair, losing his job or all of a sudden you realize he has habits that are really annoying. Boom! Love gone and it doesn’t come back. Being in love stays through the fights, the boredom and the life shattering experiences. Even if you are not together anymore, that kind of love is still there.
4. Loving someone means feeling the strong need to have them around you, being in love means you wanting them to be where they are happy. When you love someone, you always need for them to want to be with you more than anything, craving their attention. When you are in love, you want both of you to share a happy balanced life, which means sometimes spending time away from you.
5. Loving someone is about how they make you feel, being in love is about how you make them feel. A common answer people give when asked why they love someone is, “Because of how he makes me feel.” No wrong answer here but if it’s all about how you feel, then you probably aren’t actually in love. Loving someone means you are only concerned with how he makes you feel loved, special, or appreciated. Being in love means you take notice on what also makes him feel loved and important to you.
6. Loving someone is about ownership, being in love is a partnership. When you love someone, he is all yours! Labelling them as your property is very important. You need them to commit to being your boyfriend, which says they belong to you. Being in love is about giving of yourself as much as you get. You are in a partnership with no one belonging to anyone, sharing a strong partnership of give and take.